My Advice About Everything! And More!

I have this fantasy. I want an advice column. It would be funny. And brilliant, I'm sure. I need practice, though. So...here's a thought. Maybe you are all too irritated with me, because I've neglected this blog for far too long, but I hope you aren't, because I like you. I do!

I also love sharing my opinion and may need to do less of that when it's unsolicited. But...what if I had a whole advice column? Where people solicited my opinions and I wouldn't have to feel like a jerk for sharing them? So, go ahead and ask me something. It'll make me keep up with this blog, which I actually love, because I'll feel obligated. Obligation and guilt are excellent motivators.

So is fear. My parents were really into fear-based parenting and I think it works. I was scared to do a lot of stuff I shouldn't. I told my son today that where birds flew over the ocean, there were fish below. And that sharks would show up to eat the fish and any nearby humans. This kept him from going out too far in the ocean, but I don't know if it's true. Don't care, either. My parents were so scary, I was also afraid to have sex, do certain drugs and cuss in public. I hope to instill these same fears - and more! - in my own children.

But I digress. So...if you have a minute, send me a question. Maybe about an issue with your children or - even better - other people's children. It's fun to talk smack about other people's parenting, isn't it? Or questions about food - I love those. Want to healthy up your favorite recipe? I can help and darn it, I want to! Fashion? I have a lot of opinions about that. Manners? Bring it! Nuclear physics? Sure. I don't promise my answers will change your life or even be true, but they will occasionally be entertaining. Email the questions or just leave them in the comments section (Anonymous, even. I really don't want to know which of my friends is considering a three-way. Really.) Indulge me? Please? Pleeeeeease?

Namasté, y'all!