Thanks?

I was at Starbucks the other day, loading up my herbal tea with honey. Yup. Still on the herbal tea. Haven't had coffee since my big detox. But I digress. So, I'm loading up my tea and this young woman, mid- to late-twenties, approaches me from the side.

"Could you be any skinner?"

I could tell from her tone she meant it as a compliment and I took it as one, but I didn't know how to answer. Now that I think about it, maybe she was making fun of me. Maybe my own confidence lead me to assume it was a compliment*. Huh. "Thanks" doesn't work, because it was a question. I was tempted to say,

"Well, no. I tried once but was hospitalized for dehydration."

or maybe,

"Probably. Want to go work out later?"

"No, because my lipo guy cut me off. Damn him."

"Yes, my lipo guy has me down for another consult next week. Can't wait!"

"Maybe, but this is my regular body and I'm good with that."

Anyhow. We all need to do better at giving compliments and apologizing. Good compliments and apologies are short which, for some of us, is tough. You have no idea how hard it is for me to stop at one sentence. Or maybe you do, which is why I like you. We can talk on and on, interrupting each other and ourselves, for hours. Apologies go like this,

"I am really sorry."

They are not followed with,

"...but when you act like such an a-hole, I can't help myself."

Or worse,

"...but you are so wrong."

And do we all know by now not to tell people that lose babies it was all for the best or that it was God's will? I am really sorry. Full Stop.

The full stop should also be employed after a compliment.

"You look hot." Full stop.

"You are gorgeous." Full stop.

"Love your outfit!" Full stop.

"Aren't you clever?" Full...stop!

That is not a compliment. It is a question. And isn't "clever" just a little patronizing? It is. Trust me. Or just ask TF, who referred to me that way one time and really regretted it.

Okey-doke. This is getting boring. And I have to get ready for a party, the second of the weekend. Last night, we rocked out at Runaway Runway, where I got to be a fashion cheerleader judge. We stayed out way too late (oh, the Art Bar...) and this old lady is tired. Tonight, we're headed to a benefit for my children's amazing school - Bluegrass, Beer and BBQ. Those two events are kind ofthe opposite of each other. Can you have a third opposite? Because tomorrow we're going to some kind of garden party gala out in the country to benefit the choir at church. And we're supposed to dress kind of fancy. I bet their fancy is a little different from my fancy. What evah shall I wear?

Namasté, y'all!

* This is going down here because it's a little too digressive. I'm one of those people who always sees a fat person in the mirror. I'm also smart, so I know that someone who is average height and wears a size two isn't fat. I'm not perfect, but overall I like my body, even my boobs, now that I've learned what they are. Anyhow, my point is, I am pretty thin, but not overly so, so I took her remark as a compliment. I was also wearing really flattering pants (Loeffler Randall harem pants from VanJean. I think they're sold out. Sorry.)