Do what?

99¢ KIDS HELP

MEAL WANTED

PART TIME

What's the deal with the strange Burger King signs? They need to include something about this in the training manual. Or maybe they need a new department. If I wrote the manual, I would include these rules.

• Be careful when you climb on the ladder to do the sign.
• When you're finished, climb down carefully and read the sign.
• Ask someone else to read the sign. Maybe a few other people. Maybe some people who don't work at Burger King.

I don't want the sign editor position, as it might not pay very well, but employment is down and creating jobs is a good thing, right? It seems that particular Burger King is hiring. For what? Not so sure. Do they want a "part-time meal?" What is a "kids help meal?" And why is it only ninety-nine cents? Is that a meal kids help prepare? That would explain the price tag. Our oldest son, at the tender age of two, made us breakfast - an entire cannister of salt stirred together with a whole carton of milk and a piece of pita bread floating on top as a garnish. I didn't try it, but I doubt it was too tasty. Around that same time, we realized giving a two-year old free access to the fridge had been a mistake. We should have known better, but we're slow learners.

I was planning a dinner party. I was pregnant. I steamed three pounds of asparagus, put them in a plastic container in the fridge and took a nap, trusting my darling toddler to behave, which he always did. When I awoke, I found him on the floor of the kitchen, rubbing his fiber-filled belly with a smile. My twenty-five pound child ate three pounds of steamed asparagus. How much do you weigh? Imagine eating more than 10% of your weight in asparagus. Before that moment, I wasn't sure what people meant by "asparagus pee." Now I know. Did you know that only some people have funny smelling urine after eating asparagus? And only some can detect that smell? Some people are in both categories and some are in neither. In other words, some are excretors, some are smellers, some are neither and not all excretors are smellers. This is all up for debate, but I know you aren't here looking for scientific accuracy. I wish I knew how to make a Venn Diagram on the computer. I love Venn diagrams. But I digress. Just so you know, my son is most definitely an excretor and I am a smeller.

Back to that sign. Maybe they are offering child helpers for ninety-nine cents. If so, does that mean someone who will help with your kids for less than a dollar? Or do they provide an actual kid to "help" you. We all know how that goes. You get a bowl of milk and salt soup for breakfast. And do they still want a meal part-time? Too confusing. I don't think I'll take them up on it.

Perhaps they would like to enlist this local kid's help. He is like 99 million dollars worth of cute, but probably not much help. He is a Boy Scout and they are reputed to have mad camping skills. The Tank has the same hair as little Johnston and a similar personality. A winsome personality.



Namasté, y'all!