A Very Shocking Daily Digress.

I've been living a lie. We tell everyone we don't have a television. For years, we had a "Kill Your Television" bumper sticker. And we meant it. Now, I have to confess.

In my second year of college*, I moved into an apartment with two friends. B and I, being slightly more solvent than the third roommate, pooled our cash and took a bus to the nearest Village des Valeurs. It was quite an adventure. After paying for the bus, we had a combined $20 to spend on a sofa. I don't quite recall how we thought we would be able to purchase and transport a sofa for twenty dollars. When you're young, anything is possible. In fact, we quickly learned that our mission couldn't be accomplished on our budget. The closest possibility was a red velour couch that smelled like cat urine for $75. I'm proud to say we weren't that desperate**.

After we failed to buy a couch, I had ten dollars burning a hole in my pocket. Lo and behold, I saw a television. The television was very old, even then. It was $12. I bargained in broken French. The television, a nine inch black and white, was not hard to carry home on the bus. It was so easy to transport, I carried it with me to a second apartment a year later and yet a third apartment after I graduated and moved back home. When I got married, I took the television with me to yet another apartment. Why stop there? Of course it had to come with us to our first house. And our second. I had forgotten about it, until I was lamenting not being able to watch Saturday Night Live this weekend. I love me some Tina Fey.

"What about the tv in the shed?"

My husband thought we still had it. My heart soared. I had just enough time and tinfoil to get it going for the opening monologue. The reception was less than perfect, but impressive for an antique.

There you have it, on the hamper at the end of our bed. It's made by a (surely defunct) company called Admiral. I think Admiral produced a fine, durable product. And, don't be jealous, but it has UHF. I included the painting in the picture in a vain attempt to demonstrate that we are cultured. It's called "Adjusting" and it's by Kay Flierl. It kind of looks like me, but it isn't. I might have lied and said it was me, but I'm all about honesty today. I had to force myself to stay awake so I could hide it again. Please don't tell our kids. They're too young to understand blurry moral boundaries. And that "Kill Your Television" sticker? Well, we tried to kill it, but the thing just won't die.

By the way, if you are so inclined, please fill out the Free Times "Best of Columbia" survey. And if you are so inclined, you are more than welcome to vote for the Daily Digress in the "Best Local Website" category. Just a suggestion. Mwah!

Namasté, y'all!

* I'm sorry, did you think this was going to be a short story? Welcome! You must be a new reader.

** Actually, we were. We eventually pulled two mattresses off the street and made a sort of a couch. It lasted a very long time, until I sucked it up and asked my parents for $100 to buy a couch. We bought that couch from some guy who was moving. I think I found it in an ad in the Mirror. I had forgotten until right this second that it had to be moved out a window from his apartment. It was a love seat. Weird.