You might be a bear.

My brother's growing a beard and my husband, ever so kindly, informed him that the beard extended down the sides of his neck and around the back. My brother bragged that he was planning on growing enough hair to connect his chest hair to his facial hair. Which I explained made him a bear. Which lead to this idiocy, between me and my husband.

"If your chest hair grows all the way up to your face, you might be a bear."

My poor brother was eating wings, with his hands of course.

"If you eat with your hands, you might be a bear."

"If you eat honey, straight out of the hive, with your paw, you may just be a bear."

"If you wear a shirt, but no pants, you might be a bear."

"If that shirt is red and says 'Pooh,' you might just be a bear."

"If you sh*t in the woods, there's a pretty good chance...you are a bear."

Lucky for my brother, we were laughing too hard to continue. That's what he gets for agreeing to have lunch with us - sophisticated humor all the way.

Namasté, y'all!