What is it with me and dudes who fix the internet?

"Now, I don't want you to take this the wrong way..."

What is it with me and internet repair guys? Why do they all say this to me? Don't they know how that makes me feel? Like I'm about to get dumped, that's how. In this case, by some guy I'm not even seeing. Just how can you get dumped by someone you've only just met?

"It's about your husband..."

Well, that certainly took it up a notch. I considered the possibilities and there were only two:

1. The guy was a sexist jerk who assumed my husband had tried to fix it himself and screwed it up worse. In fact, I am far more likely to attempt such a thing, although in this case I had not. But I've been known. And it works about 50% of the time.
2. My husband had done something to offend him that was so awful I would be compelled to leave him...and run away with the internet guy, who wasn't really my type.

I suppose it was the second, although there was no invitation to run away together. Guess I wasn't his type either. My husband's unforgivable sin was neglecting to save his card and call him when the internet broke again. It had broken a week or so before and the same guy came to fix it*. Apparently, when our evil empire ISP gets another repair request within two weeks of the first, the initial repair person gets a "bad report." I guess this is like the opposite of a gold star. Maybe they put a little frownie face sticker in his file. It sounds like a horrible way to evaluate employees. The second problem had nothing to do with the first one. The most recent was caused by lightening busting up our surge protector or some such nonsense. As far as I can understand, the surge protector died in the line of duty. The computer was saved. Hooray! But I digress.

The guy was very upset with my husband for not saving his card and calling him. But we didn't know the rule of the evil empire! Frankly, I don't think it's my problem. I would change phone companies, but I've only heard of one other company. And only one person I know uses them and she's crazy, the sort of person who, whatever she does, you should do the opposite. I don't think the guy should have bothered me about it. I think he needs to take it up with Toby, or whoever the HR person is at his office.

I told him what he wanted to hear so he would go away. I promised to save his card and made a big show of putting it somewhere safe. He went on and on about how my husband should have called him. It was late and I just wanted him to leave so I could pour myself a glass of wine, which felt awkward with him standing there, even though it was already seven in the evening. I thought adding alcohol to the mix might send the wrong message.

When he finally left, I relaxed by watching this video of my grass, over and over again, with a nice bottle of Pouilly-Fuissé. The video was so relaxing I didn't even finish the bottle. Please enjoy the following thirty seconds of freshly mown grass in the morning. Don't miss the soothing sound of the Woodpecker about halfway into the clip. I freakin' love that guy!


Thirty Seconds of Freshly Mown Lawn in the Morning
Originally uploaded by The Daily Digress

Namasté, y'all!

* Incidentally, this was not B'Gary, who remains my favorite internet dude of all time. This second guy had potential, too. The first time he fixed the internet, he was charming in his lack of desire to explain how the magical internets work.