I feel sure there is a third raccoon.

The big kids and I were going into the library the other day and, lo and behold, we saw a raccoon across the street, carrying something smaller and dead in its mouth. I didn't look too closely, because I wasn't sure if I wanted it to be a squirrel or a rat. Squirrels are cute, so that would have been sad. But I don't like to think about the fact that rats even exist so close to my house. In any case, squirrels and rats are the same thing in France, so I guess the clarification isn't all that important.

Later that night, a strange thing happened, although I didn't find out about it until the next day. My husband was driving home and hit a raccoon, who took a chunk out of his car. He wasn't going to tell me about it, because I once blamed him for hitting a dog. The dog ran out in front of his car, on the highway in the dark, but still. He was probably speeding. The dog cracked the car's gasket, whatever that means. All I know is it made the car stop and cost a lot of money to fix. The raccoon just took a small chunk out of the bumper.

The only person that day who didn't see a raccoon was Baby J, and these things come in threes, so I feel kind of scared. Maybe the first two raccoons were warnings. Beware the Third Raccoon! You know what they say about the Third Raccoon, don't you?*. I don't really care for raccoons in my neighborhood. They remind me too much of possums and I'm really afraid of possums, because they look so muscley and they hiss. I did see two dead possums yesterday. Is it possible that two possums equals one raccoon? There was a fox in this neighborhood one time that attacked a jogger, but I don't jog, so no worries there. Anyhow, I sure hope a third raccoon doesn't happen**!

Namasté, y'all!

* And I don't. What do they say about the Third Raccoon?

** I stole that line from one of my favorite Saturday Night Live sketches. I'd love to share it with you but, for some reason, NBC hasn't posted the video and they selfishly made anyone else who had posted it take it down. Anyhow, Justin Timberlake plays a Target employee who burns his lips on cheese bread and develops and allergy to lip balm. He says (in a really funny voice that, thanks to NBC, you can't hear) :

"I sure hope a third thing doesn't happen!"

If you want to, call me and I'll do an imitation. It's a riot. Trust me. And if you ever find the video online anywhere, under the NBC radar, please let me know.