People are funny.

"I've searched for some strange things on the internet."

At least my husband admits it. By the way, darling, I already knew that from checking the history (and I was touched to see that you once searched for "belinda carlisle playboy." At least it was a woman in her forties, not some pre-pubescent looking pop star. And of course I had to look. She looked good, didn't she?)

He's not the only one who Googles things that are a bit odd. That's what's so great about the internet. You can be a freak in private like never before in history. These are some of the searches that have brought hapless surfers to The Daily Digress:

• Countless would-be chefs have come searching for "ruths chris filet recipe" or some variation. I hope they weren't too angry to read my completely uninformed opinion. I hope they made it to the end of the entry and the recipe for Best Filet Mignon. Just try it, you'll like it!

• Many women (and possibly men) are searching for "how to make a man" do various things, including, but not limited to, the following:


• want you for life
• want you back bad
• want you
• want to date you

For the record, I don't think you'll find that information here. I have no idea how to accomplish any of that. And, seriously, I suspect it isn't that hard, you just have to find the right sucker man. Bonne Chance!


• Someone out there wants to know "how to make a list of what you want in a man". Make the list however you want, but don't share. And...um...maybe just don't make the list. You'll know it when you see it.


• A lot of people search the web for "irritating husband". If you are looking to find an irritating husband, never fear, just get any old husband and, trust me on this one, he will become irritating soon enough. If you're looking for commiseration, you've come to the right place. Welcome!


• "my man won't listen to me" Yell louder. Or kick him.
  

• Only one person searched for "husband is passive aggressive Valentine's Day". Yeah, I hear you, sister!


• "eating the fish taco euphemism" Huh? What on earth could you be talking about?


• "grouper chowder" Apparently, my mother in law does leave pounds of Grouper in other people's fridges, because a lot of people search the web for this. Which is just fine, because I have an excellent recipe for Grouper Chowder.


• "leftover soup" The Daily Digress wholeheartedly endorses making soup out of leftovers.
  

• Oddly, there are a lot of searches for variations of "scary cat," which I wrote about exactly once.
  


• "scary staring cat" Yikes. I feel your pain.
• "scary cat room" Is this some kind of nursery decorating idea? That's sick. Or maybe you're trying to contain a scary cat in a specific room. That's wierd.
• "scary cat outside my window last night" It's your neighbor's cat. You know, the guy around the corner with the blue Camry. Just kidding. Did you really think an internet search would explain the scary cat outside your window?


• "baby raisins too many" I do not recommend giving your baby too many raisins. If you've already given him or her too many raisins and you don't know what to do, just make sure you have plently of baby wipes and don't plan any long car trips for a day or two.


• "pile of poop cake" and "reindeer poop cake" It would appear that I'm not as original as I thought. Cool.


• "best coconut cake" Yup, you can find that here. And it is, seriously, the best coconut cake. Ever.


• "Target stores lugoff SC sucks" Sorry to hear that. Our Target is pretty good.


• "Joe Francis naked" Why would you want to see that? Ew.


• "botox while pregnant" Nope, sorry. If you're like me though, your face will get so puffy that the wrinkles go away until you have the baby. Enjoy!


• "notes to kids in lunches" Yes! The Daily Digress totally endorses this! But you don't need to search the internet for ideas, just write from the heart. "Eat your fruit. I love you. Love, Mommy" is always good.


• "new rap album february" I was joking. I don't really have an album coming out, but I hope you find what you're looking for!


• "indian food after c-section" I'm not a doctor, but I say, "Go for it." I had three c-sections and ate Indian food (and everything else I could get my hands on) after every single one. Vaginal birth is great and all, but even people who have c-sections can eat whatever they want afterwards.


• I'm proud to announce that The Daily Digress is the only site that comes up if you Google, in quotation marks, "eggplant mush pizza". Check it out. I don't know why I'm so proud of that, but I am!

Namasté, y'all!