Don't Mess With Bill.

Well, yesterday afternoon was a real roller coaster ride. My husband and I somehow got invited to a dinner honoring Dick Riley. Oh, ahem, the other special guest just happened to be...wait for it...here it comes...BILL EFFIN' CLINTON! That's right, yo! And I do love Bill Clinton. I spent the whole day about five minutes (in 30 second increments) thinking about what I should wear.

It's not easy for a housewife. I have jeans and I have party clothes. I do not have "business attire." I do not do any sort of business and I know very little about tires, so I don't have much use for stuff like that. Plus, it's not really my style, which might be one of the reasons I don't have a job. As I pondered what to wear, I perused an article in the State paper about the dinner. For about thirty seconds, I was relieved, because the paper said the dinner was black-tie, which is easier for me. I have lots of cute party dresses and cocktail skirts. I suspected that was too easy, though, because I hadn't heard from anyone else that it would be black-tie. And it wasn't; it was a misprint and I'm sure they printed a correction today, albeit too late for the few people I saw in black-tie.

Speaking of overdressing, I understand and forgive the folks who read the article in the paper and came dressed. In fact, I think the State owes them an apology, because that can be embarrassing. What I do not understand is the woman who shows up in a prom dress. There's one at every party, whether it's an oyster roast, a cocktail party or a political dinner. Ladies, do not wear your prom dress anywhere other than a prom. Frankly, I wish I hadn't even worn mine to my actual prom; it was hideous and I wish someone had told me. There is no excuse whatsoever for wearing a prom dress after the age of eighteen.

Anyhow, after my brief respite, I re-commenced trying to pick an outfit. I tried to do tasteful, I really did, but I gave up. I went as a crazy housewife, more celebrity gawker than politico. I wore a short, brown tweed skirt, a dark blouse with a wide collar and Victorian people all over it, my YSL platform boots and my daytime brown fishnets. I think I looked pretty cool. And I painted my nails bright red while the baby was at the drop-in nursery. I also wore my favorite Christian Dior lipstick, this perfect brick red color that I save for special occasions, because it's been discontinued. I felt very proud that I was able to fix my hair with the baby digging his fingers into my fishnets.

Now for the boring stuff, my limited observations on Bill's speech. These thoughts probably aren't original, but I don't really pay attention to the news, so forgive me. Also, I didn't take many notes, because I was a little bit tipsy and a lot distracted by the dashing former president. I'm only human, right? Here are my notes (in italics), more or less.

How sexy is it when he talks about his wife? However--did he make it cool for independent women to accept cheating?

This bugs me a little, like maybe it's unsophisticated to expect fidelity. Which I absolutely do, by the way. I've told A that if he does it and doesn't get caught, goody for him, but if I find out, I will make him wish he never met me. Seriously. No big violent moves, just lots of petty irritations. And I get the house. And some other random stuff, like his CDs, which I don't want, but would take out of spite.

I tried this w/game once but alcohol + my brain=incomprehensible notes

Yup, I can't take decent notes at a football game, either. I know about as much about sports as I do about politics.



I have to pee, jealous that E. peed before speech

Why does my sister think of everything?

Dick=child centered/performance oriented

That sounds not so nice, but it was something nice Bill said about Dick Riley.

"most of my life not politics. it's my foundation" - ??? - for potential 1st ladies - but maybe they would say same

At first I thought this was uncool, because candidates wives do make politics their lives, but then I realize that they would say the same thing he did. And it would be equally untrue.

Title? sister's brain>my brain

That is not a good title. "Don't Mess With Bill" is better, but not by much.

love hill. but she's no bill in terms of inspiring people

Which is why her campaign should use him more. Or not. Because everyone pales in comparison to that guy.

"The only thing that matters is whether people are better off when u quit than when u started. The rest is all smoke and mirrors."

Word, Bill. Word.

looks down at beginning (when he's mentioning names) - but looks up talks freely about ideas/stats - passion for change

And this is probably why I love him. When he's thanking everyone at the beginning, he reads from his notes. When he starts talking about actual stuff, you feel like he's chatting with you. But you don't get to talk. And he's one hundred feet away and using a microphone. Oh well, you know what I mean.

Who cares why he gets all fired up as long as life gets better? education (??) → student loan reforms → everybody wins (HHES) no default

M'k. This was after my second glass of wine, so I'm not sure what I meant. I think the "who cares" is telling. I think he said "everybody wins" in reference to his student loan reforms and this reminded me of the school I went to for many, many years (HHES). They had a motto, "Everybody Wins." That's nice, but it doesn't make the students sound outstanding in any way, n'est-ce pas? I mean, how can anybody win if there's no loser? Huh? Answer me that! But I digress.

ideology=u have answer already and are impervious to the evidence

I think I just liked the way that sounded, so I wrote it down. Yup.

Hill. reminds me of pres. of Smith @ my sister's grad. - smart but not cool - sincere

I have no idea why I wrote this. I've always thought that, but I don't know why I was thinking it at that moment. Her voice sounds like those New England women's colleges' presidents' voices*. She seems so sincere in her desire to change things. And I don't want a cool president, I want a smart one.

Well, that's it. Now you know how simple I really am. And you know what else? This has to be said. I think the new convention center is fab. We really needed it, although I could have done without the accompanying Ruth's Chris. But they have got to do something about the appetizer situation. They had this:


But it was in the middle of a big round table and couldn't be reached discreetly. I'm tacky, but not tacky enough to be seen reaching for cheese balls and cramming them in my mouth while the former president talks. As you can see from the photo, I did manage to break off a chunk of the cheese ball before he started. You can also see my sister's Hillary button. That was not a table decoration, just her special touch. So I was left with this:


which was on the table when we sat down. And which was all gone before we got our actual food, because I kept nibbling on it during the speech, in between taking those brilliant notes. I might have done better with a little bit of protein to go with the wine.

Namasté, y'all!

*That was a lot of apostrophes. I bet I messed at least one of them up. That sentence sounds much better out loud.