Is Your Husband Irritating Like This?

As you may remember, my husband and I are trying to unload sell a used BMW*. Recently, he resigned from the Car Buying Committee. He claims to be done with it; he wants me to be the sole member and has pledged to happily drive whatever I get for him. That's cool, because I love haggling for used cars. If you thought I was being sarcastic, you were wrong. I really think it's fun. It's easy for us ladies, too, because we can always invoke the absent, controlling husband. When I bought my van, in the rain while pregnant, I kept going out to my car and calling my friends.

"What are you doing?," I'd ask.

"Nothing much. How about you?"

"Buying a car."

"Cool. You coming to Bunco this week?"

"Yeah. Later!"

Then I'd go back into the car office, looking as tired and pregnant as possible and sigh,

"I just love that van, but my husband says no. Waaaaaahhh!"

Eventually they gave in, but I think I'm blackballed from that place.

A. also resigned from the committees for Party Planning, Environmental Services and Youth Management. He claims that between his position as head of the Fund Raising Committee and occasional volunteering for Youth Management, he has no time for those other commitments. Which is fine by me, because I'm all about control.

In spite of having tendered his resignations to these committees, he can't resist the occasional meddling input. Like he wanted to know if we should put a tub of beer on the front porch at our party**. And he wanted to know if we should donate the car, rather than trying to sell it. I told him I thought the laws had changed regarding tax deductions on donated cars. He gave examples of people he knew who had donated their junkers to both NPR and some other place he couldn't remember. I told him that was a while ago and I thought the rules changed this year. He told me selling it was the same as donating and donating was less of a hassle. I explained, for the millionth time, that a tax deduction isn't a tax credit. I'm tired of explaining that. To a lawyer. Yes, I know he does mostly criminal defense, but he pays taxes and he passed the Bar exam, which has a section on tax law or something similar, right? Once and for all:

A TAX CREDIT REDUCES THE AMOUNT OF TAX YOU PAY, IN THE EXACT AMOUNT OF THE CREDIT. A TAX DEDUCTION REDUCES THE AMOUNT OF TAX YOU PAY BY AN AMOUNT BASED ON YOUR TAX BRACKET.

Or something like that. Any tax lawyer or CPA out there is more than welcome to explain that more clearly, because the way I'm saying it isn't getting through. I'm not a tax lawyer or CPA. In fact, I failed Accounting I in college. I'm not saying that to be funny, I really did; frankly, it was over my head and verrah, verrah boring. But I do vaguely understand the difference between a tax credit and a tax deduction. Just sayin'.

In an attempt to convince me that donating the car really was a good idea, he said,

"But those people donated them to, like, an actual place."

What? You mean, as opposed to donating it to the universe, like this guy, who left his car at Douglas International Airport in Charlotte, North Carolina***:

Although that was a very kind thing to do, I don't think he can count on a tax deduction. My husband admitted that the police report from an abandoned car probably wouldn't suffice as documentation for the IRS.

What my husband clearly doesn't understand is that, in resigning from all those committees, he relinquished all control. He is not the CEO, so individual committee heads don't answer to him. I'm the CEO, and I couldn't even pass Accounting I, but I do throw a decent party.

All that being said, I might try to donate the car anyway, because I'm lazy. Also, I spend a lot of time on my other committees, so the Car Buying Committee is low priority; shortcuts are welcome. Now all I have to do is convince "an actual, like, place" to take it. So I need to create a PR committee, which I'll lead. And I'll be the only person on it, unless I can get a college intern to work for free. Hmmm...

Namasté, y'all!

*Email Me if you're interested. Make an offer.

**Answer: Good idea, and we've done it before, but decided against it this time, because we didn't want beer drinkers to miss out on liquor in their hurry to get a drink. And you have to be stupid to put unguarded liquor on your front porch in my neighborhood.

***True story, by the way; my sister snapped that picture on her way to Haiti last week.