Things I Can't Find

• Two silver punch ladles. I had them at our old house and they are gone, gone, gone. Believe it or not, I would actually use them. Both. Here's a great punch recipe: Mix equal parts Minute Maid frozen limeade (prepared), gingerale and pineapple juice. Make an ice ring (in a small, non-fluted tube pan) out of sliced limes, pineapple rings and equal parts limeade and pineapple juice. In fact, make two, so midway through your soirée you can change the old one for a fresh one to keep the punch super cold and pretty. I've never tried adding liquor (vodka? rum?), but I bet it would be good. Let me know if you try it.
  
  
• My purple Patagonia jacket that I bought in the eighties. That jacket rocked. This one time, I was wearing it and I got drunk and climbed over an iron gate with my friends. I fell down the other side, ripping a huge hole in the jacket's sleeve when it caught on one of the spikes at the top of the gate. I sent the jacket to Patagonia and told them what I had done. They replaced the sleeve and it looked like new. No charge, no lecture. How cool is that? But I don't think loss is covered under the lifetime warranty. My brother in law has a jacket that looks suspiciously like it, but the color is a bit off.
  
  
• The glasses that may or may not have been in the pocket of that jacket. I don't need glasses anymore, so I don't really care. Oddly, my vision got better with pregnancy and I now rock 20/20. But the glasses were Oliver Peoples and made me look quite smart, so I wish I still had them. I have not seen my brother in law wearing the glasses.
  
  
• My keys, at least three times a week.
  
  
• My sanity, when I lose my effing keys!
  
  
• My husband's bike, which was stolen earlier this week. Don't feel too bad for him, though, because the shed was unlocked and the door was open, just as he left it.
  
  
• Our marriage license. No big deal, really, I got a copy of it last year. And no one ever asks to see it.
  
  
• My Charlie's Angels lunch box. I don't want to use it, but I would like to sell it on Ebay.
  
  
• O's Nintendo DS Never mind. We found it, behind the hand mixer in the cabinet to the left of the stove. Of course. How cool is it that he wasn't even that upset that it was missing? I love that kid.
  
  
• The perfect retro modern fabric with which to make curtains for my kitchen.
  
  
• Those two white, monogrammed hand towels. Eh. I'm over those.
  
  
• The really pretty hair clip I bought from Urban Nirvana a few years ago. It was very fancy and I really miss it!
  
  
• The navy blue fleece pullover with the planets on it that my mom got for O. when he was little.
  
  
• The charger to my camera battery.
  
  
• Plants that I can't kill.
  
  
• The perfect garlic press. It should be easy to work, easy to clean and able to crush several garlic cloves in a single press!
  
  
• The perfect nut chopper. It needs to chop nuts uniformly. What's up with the combination of whole and powdered nuts?
  
  
• That totally awesome mini dress that belonged to my mom in the sixties and fit perfectly. I would so love to rock that dress right now. I seriously have no idea what happened to it. And I'm not the kind of girl who loses clothes, if you know what I mean.
  
  
• The perfect top to go with this really cool skirt I have. The skirt is made of vintage tie fabric and I'd like to wear it to our friend's wedding next month.
  
  
• The perfect wedding gift for our friend who is getting married next month.
  
  
• A great shoe repair place.
  
  
• A purpose.
  
  
• It in my heart to forgive my husband for lying to me all the time.

Namasté, y'all.